nerd’s eye view

Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now

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That’s the title of one of my all time favorite Smith’s tunes. The verse in question that I like so well goes like this: “I was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows I’m miserable now…”

I’m not actually miserable but I did find a job. I’ve successfully ended my five week search and I start my new gig next week. I probably could have found something sooner except for the fact that I’m so damn picky.

During the month that I’ve been talking to people - all of them very nice - I was offered various things that just weren’t going to work out for me. Don’t get me wrong, these were all good gigs, but I’ve been ruined for the kind of regular employment that almost everyone pursues and makes peace with. Funnily enough, it’s not the subject matter that I’ve become so fussy about. It’s job security and the environment.

Maybe I mean job insecurity. See, I want a job that ends. Sooner, rather than later is good for me, thank you. The shorter, the better. I like to work on a three month horizon. Anything longer than that makes me itchy. It’s not that I have committment anxiety, it’s just that I want to do something else. Go camping. Work on something new. Lie around my house reading. Anything else. I might have ADD of the employment kind, if such a thing exists.

And I’ve become really sensitive about where I sit to do my work. I need daylight, I really do, or I get depressed. I need to be able to get some fresh air. The veal pen offices that so many of us are required to work in are demoralizing. It’s okay if you only have to do it for a few weeks, but for the longer term, it’s just gloomy. My home isn’t lit by humming flourescents and my windows aren’t sealed shut, why would I want to spend all day in a space that has those qualities?

The itchiness I feel about full time employment is multiplied when I’m asked to spend that time in a space that’s - well - unpleasant. The idea that humans need sunlight and fresh air isn’t revolutionary. But daylight offices have become a status symbol, not a requirement for a healthy working space. I’d rather work in an open floor plan where I can stand up and look outside than in a private office with no exterior light.

These two things, my desire for short term work and my need for a decent environment, knock me out of the running for what, 95% of the work out there? You think I’d show more sense, but I don’t appear to be moving that direction. I’ve become, unfortunately, more strident about these things. It’s not doing me any good, really. I should lighten up.

I stuck to my guns this time. Next week, I’m starting a three month gig that lets me work at home. I couldn’t be more delighted. It could turn out that I need to spend some time working in the office as we approach our deadline, but the unexpected bonus is that I can walk there from my house. And the office looks to be an open floor plan with west facing windows that look out over the lake.

The project? Oh, never mind. It’s just not that interesting to anyone except the people it’s for, and it’s not even for the public, it’s internally facing documentation. But there is another bonus lurking under this project. It’s that its adminstered through an agency that “gets” people like me. They understand what freelancers are looking for and they handle exactly that kind of work. So, assuming it all goes well, it might turn out that I’ve found a good partner to work with/through. That’s potential good news for the long term.

For the next few months, you’ll find me right here in my sunny home office, working away, windows open, music on. I might be singing at my desk in a genuinely cheeful tone, “…in my life, why do I give valuable time to people who don’t care if I live or die…”