nerd’s eye view

The No Fly Zone

November 14, 2005 – 4:00 pm | by nerd's eye view

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Well, crap. After waking up feeling worked over and spending mid-day passed out in a haze under all the blankets I own, I decided to cancel my trip. I figure it was better to be out the trip than out the miles. I can take a trip later, but staying home to cough up a lung, that’s the kind of thing you just can’t schedule. Carpe diem, baby!

Also, if you’d been planning to sit next to me on an airplane in the next seven days, you’d be pissed. You know how much you hate it when you’re on the bus and the guy right in front of you is hacking and hacking and hacking and you’re thinking, jeez, if only I had a lozenge I could give that poor bastard, plus, I am so going to have bird flu by the time I get home. What I’m saying is that I’m doing my bit for California. After all, they gave me that cheap priceless state education, right? It’s the right thing to do, not spreading my germs around to my loved ones. Damn them for living so far away! If they lived up here, I’d make them bring me soup.

And cookies. There are no cookies in my house and I want some. I did find pancake mix, which I made for my snack. It was okay but I don’t have any eggs so I was forced to substitute tofu, which I did have. This actually worked okay, making me wonder what would have happened it I’d just left the eggs out.

In a very disgusting way, the stuff I’ve been hacking out of my lungs looks kind of like tofu that’s been left in the fridge way past it’s ”use by” date. I’m feeling a bit like I have a “use by” date on me, which is one more reason to stay home. The last thing you want is to go on a junket to see your art school pals when your “use by” date is stamped in big red letters across your forehead. You’re supposed to be all, “Look at my new work! I brought you a proof copy of my book, never mind the mistakes, read it anyway! You look mahvelous, how come you never come to see me!? Yes, I’m leaving for Europe again soon! I’m so OVER Europe! Let me count the ways!” Obnoxious, surely, but so much more fun than “I gotta go take a nap, you guys go for beer without me. Do you have any ibuprofen, or perhaps leftover antibiotics?”

Ah. The bitter disappointment of not flying. The silver lining is that I hate to fly, I really hate it. Two weeks out I’m going to Eugene and to get there, I’m taking the train. And a big bag of lozenges.