Sound of Music, alternative version. Instead of belting out Climb Every Mountain, the Reverend Mother says, “Christ almighty, what took you so long? Now go change out of that silly dirndl, give the guitar to the orphans, and get down to the chapel, it’s almost time for Vespers!” Maria follows the instructions exactly and spends the rest of her life striding about the hills and minstering to the locals.

I’m just sayin’. It could have happened.

We looked to see where she could possibly have been heading off to with such vigor, but the only obvious choice nearby was the brothel, just the other side of the highway. Never mind, she could never get lost in these hills.