Sunday Lifestyle Magazine
July 16, 2006 – 8:55 am | by nerd's eye view
Food
I don’t care what the Internet says, you can not replace the butter in your homemade brownies with a combination of yogurt and vegetable oil. It absolutely does not work.
While I do like the Hopping John, I am relieved to report that I finally used up my gift certificate and won’t need to go back to Cafe F***ing Flora again any time soon.
The Copper River may be done, but you can still get Sockeye. Eat your fish, boys and girls, it’s good for you. And don’t buy farmed fish, okay?
Interior Decor
Spending a little money on getting that thing framed really classes up the joint.
Fashion
What is with the muffin top, missy? I think it’s caused by wearing pants or a skirt that are both a little too low and a little too tight. This forces the naturally soft midsection up in to a perfect inner tube. If you’ve accompanied that with a tight t-shirt or one that shows a little belly, the look is accentuated. If you’re not off to the pool in an inflateable ring with the head of a duck, why would you want to look like you are?
Over here. Yes, you, young man. That 70s porn star look gives me the creeps. The aviator sunglasses, the sideburns, the shiny shirt unbuttoned to here? Cut that out. It looks like you’re on the way to the shoot with a pocket full of Viagra. All the males on the set will be a noticeable ten years older than the females and no one will be convinced that you are the high school football team. Oh, look, cheerleaders! I’m okay with the Hush Puppies or the Frye boots, but good god, could you do something about the hair? It’s awful.
Especially for Goths in summer: Please, please, please, wear sunscreen. I fret for your gravestone hued skin. FYI, I applaud the addition of the black umbrella to your accessories. Also, I vote yes to the revival of the ‘fro. Why, just yesterday I saw a young man in the grocery store sporting a good 6-8 inch radius. I applaud you, dude with ‘fro!
A question. When faced with the stripe, does one go all Bonnie Raitt or dye the lot? Goths, spare tires, and porn stars are disqualified if they have no idea who Bonnie Raitt is. Also, looking like the Bride of Frankenstein is NOT cool, so shut up.
Travel
Seattle is as near perfect as anything gets in summer. You know what to do.
5 Responses to “Sunday Lifestyle Magazine”
By landguppy on Jul 16, 2006 | Reply
Not that you have any opinions or anything.
BTW: your forgot the whole baggy pants belted at the crotch with the boxer shorts showing thing. Do you find it as hard as I do not to run up and finish the job by pulling them down around the ankles? It wouldn’t be any less silly looking, would it?
By mindyjune on Jul 16, 2006 | Reply
And how about men’s cropped pants?
By Pam on Jul 16, 2006 | Reply
The baggy pants belted below the ass, that’s just foolishness. I don’t mind a little boxer, but the whole ass? Why bother with pants at all?
On the cropped pants on the boys, here in the PNW, I’m okay with it, it’s got a certain surfer jams/outdoorsy guy look. But context is key. Don’t be wearing those things out to dinner. Hiking, camping, the beach, trawling on Broadway. That’s it. You wear them anywhere else, I reserve the right to send you home to change.
Any more questions?
By Suebob on Jul 16, 2006 | Reply
This is a brilliant idea for a post. It could be a meme. Hmmmm…I’m thinking of thievery. Would you mind?
And your header line…a ukulele? Really? I have one but have no idea how to play. I am a big Hawaiian music fan, though.
By Marilyn on Jul 19, 2006 | Reply
I’d never heard “muffin top” before, but it’s perfect. Sadly, I see that look a LOT at the junior high where I work.