Imagined Notes on My Divorce Memoir Proposal

Dear Ms. Mandel;

Thanks so much for submitting your work. After careful consideration, I’ve decided it’s not right for us in its current state.

That said, our team liked the manuscript and wanted to provide feedback in case you would be willing to revise and resubmit.

Figure out the title.

“Portrait of a Woman Getting a Divorce After Recovering from Severe Depression but While in the Midst of a Pandemic” is a huge mouthful. No one’s going to put that on a book cover, it’s not going to happen. Whittle that down.

About the “Portrait of… “device. I enjoyed your mention of Henry James’ work in your comps. Isabel Archer is a fiercely independent protagonist; she ends up sacrificing her happiness and much of her fortune to a man who turns out to be a sullen, emotional bully with a with a secret he should have revealed. She’s a modern woman, if he’d been honest with her perhaps things would have ended differently. Instead, he lied by omission, robbing her of the choice to decide what to do with the truth once she had it.

I get it. I applaud your literary knowledge and the unexpected use of the book as a comp.

But it’s overused.

I know you’re also thinking about “The Year You Survived,” and second person is clever, if rarely done well. That’s a bit dramatic for a year you spent in your house napping. The worst thing you experienced on the regular were the bills from the lawyer and a lot of lost sleep. You’re tired? We’re all tired. I’m sympathetic, but maybe dial the drama back a little.

This isn’t a high priority but if you’re serious about this project, it’s something you need to keep in mind.

Focus on your feelings, not his actions.

You mention marriage counseling in the manuscript, specifically, that tactic about focusing on your feelings. For example, you can say “I feel taken advantage of,” but you are not allowed to say, “He took advantage of me.” Take additional note: when you write about your feelings, be active in your word choice. Do not say “He made me feel…” Stick with those “I” statements. First person is essential.

You do this well in many places, you say “I felt abandoned…” or “I felt like I didn’t matter…” But there are places where you falter; watch for this as you edit.

This is a critical yet subtle distinction. Actions may be up for interpretation and any mention thereof may be perceived as attacks. The way you feel about said actions is not up for debate. You may describe your own actions, but any discussion of his actions will have to be excised from the work. Again, an example:  You are free describe your life living alone for many months as a woman with an absent husband but you may not present those separations as him “leaving” or “abandoning” you.

Do not write about your feelings.

You’re perfectly fine looking, don’t get me wrong, but you’re not 28 and you have dark circles under your eyes and your hair is unruly. Someone who looks like you gets sad in front of other people, you turn blotchy and puffy and drippy. No one wants to imagine that. They’ll look away, embarrassed.

Only beautiful young women can be sad where others can see them.

Writing about being sad is the equivalent of crying on the bus when you have had a hard day and your bus was late and you are hungry and no one will be waiting at home with dinner for you and also the weather is bad and you have the tail end of a cold that simply will not go away. That open seat next to you is staying open.

Real talk, you’re just a regular person. You don’t get to be sad. Readers will be embarassed by this display of emotion.

More real talk. Angry women are seen as ugly bitches. Don’t be angry. You will be perceived as unsympathetic. Unsympathetic narrators do not sell stories, especially women.

I understand that this is contrary advice to what I’ve said about focusing on your feelings, but these issues are both true. I have confidence in your ability to navigate this dichotomy. There are other feelings besides sadness and anger, after all. Consider perhaps a wistful nostalgia about fading love? This isn’t aligned with your manuscript but it’s a popular point of view and I’d encourage you to explore it.

Your story isn’t special.

Over 40% of marriages in the US end in divorce; that rate is higher for second marriages. Your situation has some interesting details – you didn’t have kids, your spouse was not a US citizen, you have pursued a non-traditional career path, you were the primary breadwinner in your home. This has the possibility to generate a story that is different from the commonplace.

But it’s also not that special. More than 40% is a lot of marriages. You must dig deep to produce a manuscript that transcends this far too common topic.

Right now, there are a dozen proposals for divorce memoirs on my desk. While the universal nature of these stories has mass market appeal, the next Eat Pray Love they are not. I will tell you that the next Eat Pray Love is exactly what we seek. The romantic, transatlantic nature of your early relationship has some cinematic appeal, but that’s not what I’m seeing in this proposal.

The ending is messy.

The conclusion – a middle aged woman alone, angry, and grappling with what she feels is a deep injustice – leaves the reader hanging with no sense of closure, just the notion that your central character was ill-served on all fronts. The open-ended nature of the work makes me wonder if it’s not been presented too soon. You should, perhaps, give this work the benefit of time and distance to see if you can’t find a more uplifting ending.

Please stay in touch.

The limited but enthusiastic reviews for your first memoir, and indeed the work itself, show you to be a writer with the ability to deliver clear, deeply felt language. You have a small but loyal following online; we hope that means you’re capable of converting that audience into book buyers. Your proposal is well presented, and your sample chapters are compelling.

But as you can see, there are challenges to making this a commercially viable project. Let me be clear – this is not an outright rejection; I like the work very much and my colleagues agreed on its merit. But for us to take this on, the work needs fewer facts, fewer unattractive feelings, a more sympathetic narrator, and a neater, more cheerful ending.

Please let me know if you would consider revising this work to our guidelines, and if so, when we might see another version. We are excited about the possiblities of working with you on this project.

Thank you.

PM//Burning House Literary Agency