{"id":8565,"date":"2013-12-22T10:49:42","date_gmt":"2013-12-22T18:49:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/?p=8565"},"modified":"2013-12-23T07:18:02","modified_gmt":"2013-12-23T15:18:02","slug":"your-angry-exs-guide-on-where-to-travel-in-2014","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/2013\/12\/22\/your-angry-exs-guide-on-where-to-travel-in-2014\/","title":{"rendered":"Your Angry Ex’s Guide to Where to Travel in 2014"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hell is hot for 2014. <\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Here’s how and why it’s right for you.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

Why now?<\/strong> For northern hemisphere travelers, it’s winter, so you’ll appreciate the change of climate. But beyond the high season,\u00a0 it seems there’s always a place in pop culture for undead monsters — witness the spate of popular zombie, vampire, and most recently, Krampus figures in television, movies, and more.\u00a0 In 2013, British film star Simon Pegg starred in The World’s End — why not bypass facsimiles of the apocalypse and go straight to Hell?<\/p>\n

\"Boticelli's<\/a>
Guides assist visitors into the pits of Hell (Botticelli)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What to do<\/strong>: Hell has nine circles, or districts, each with unique character and activities. Our experts recommend the second circle, Infidelity, where you’ll be blown about by terrible storms for all eternity with never a single day of rest. Make time for the ninth circle — locals call it “Treachery” — too!\u00a0 Treatments here involve being encased in ice and exfoliation therapy delivered by Satan himself.<\/p>\n

\"Satan<\/a>
Be sure to book your spa appointments well in advance. (Goya)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What to eat<\/strong>: You can’t go to Hell without partaking of “Dhari.” It’s a locally harvested plant comprised mainly of bitter thorns. You’ll recognize it by the distinctive devil head shape. It provides no sustenance and feels like boiling oil when ingested. And it’s all vegetarian, making a nice alternative to the standard effluvia of the wounds of the suffering that comprises most meals in Hell.<\/p>\n

Fun fact<\/strong>: Sure, Hell is full of fiery pits and torturous flames. But the phase “A snowball’s chance in Hell” was written by someone who’d never made it to the depths of the underworld. Travel like a local and you’ll learn that the darkest parts of hell are bitter cold — if your snowball makes the trip, it will last forever!<\/p>\n

<\/strong> Getting there<\/strong>:\u00a0 Handbasket runs daily direct flights, but you should not let the screen door hit you on the way out. For those who’d prefer a slower, more old fashioned trip, Charon offers ferry service across the Styx. If you have time to spare, consider bargaining for an extra 100 years of wandering aimlessly on the shore. Self drive is absolutely doable, but be aware that there are no stop signs, speed limits and you’ll need to go down, all the way. It’s by no means required, but getting an international driver’s license from your local automobile club is a good idea.<\/p>\n

\"Crossing<\/a>
Charon’s River Cruises depart frequently from the banks of the Styx (Delacroix)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Recommended reading<\/strong>: Satre’s No Exit<\/strong> concludes that “Hell is other people,”\u00a0 a point of view our experts support. While it’s somewhat dated, we think all travelers to Hell should read the 14th century Inferno<\/strong> by veteran guidebook author (The Lonely Planet Guide to Hell, DK Eyewitness Travel Guide: Purgatory), Dante. For a lighthearted perspective, Matt Groenig’s Life in Hell<\/strong> makes a fast read that encapsulates the despair, frustration, and disappointment that makes Hell your perfect destination for 2014.<\/p>\n

Happy travels!<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hell is hot for 2014. Here’s how and why it’s right for you.\u00a0   Why now? For northern hemisphere travelers, it’s winter, so you’ll appreciate the change of climate. But beyond the high season,\u00a0 it seems there’s always a place in pop culture for undead monsters — witness the spate of popular zombie, vampire, and … <\/p>\n


…read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":74,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8565","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-elsewhere","masonry-post","generate-columns","tablet-grid-50","mobile-grid-100","grid-parent","grid-50"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8565","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/74"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8565"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8565\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8590,"href":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8565\/revisions\/8590"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8565"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8565"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nerdseyeview.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8565"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}