The Euro-husband spoke with Euro-friend of ours a few days ago. They talked, as always, about our bi-national status. Our friend said that while he loves to visit the US and has nothing but the finest feelings for his American friends, he thinks that the American system is cruel and doesn’t understand why anyone would choose to live here when they could live in Europe. I’m paraphrasing. I didn’t talk to him directly, but I think this is the gist of what he said.
Last night my friend Rick called. We haven’t talked for a long time so we had a lot of catching up to do. We also talked, of course, about what’s up with the bi-national situation at my house. I answered honestly, saying, “It’s complicated.” I also told him how living in Europe has helped me define what it is I love about America. Oh, I can see our flaws; I can see them in a painfully clear way. But I can see the advantages, too.
This morning I read my friend Mindy’s post about how she’s homesick. She’s an American living in England. I promptly emailed her an Expat Homesick Blues sympathy card. No one knows the EHB like I do. (…Nobody knows but MEEEEE…) One of the highlights of my winter last year was my visit to England. Not because of England, though it was fun to be there. It was because I finally got to hash over the endless mysteries of expatriatism (that may not be a word) with someone who understands.
It would be easy if I had clear cut feelings about America. If I was a flag waving patriot or an anti-American jingoist, my choices would be obvious. I would dismiss Europeans as momma’s boy pseudo socialists or I would dismiss Americans as empire building imperialists. I would get bogged down in national health care and public transit or free enterprise and spreading democracy. But I can’t think in black and white at all.
Would you pick national health care if it came with an educational system that locked you in to one career for your whole life? Do you want excellent basic food that’s not over-processed or do you want to live in a mixed ethnic community? Pick one: extensive public transit or a real shot at your own rags to riches story. What’s it going to be?
I get that these issues are not side by side either or choices. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? You can’t separate at will and get just the bits you want. The things you appreciate are not instantly transferable; you get the whole package or nothing at all. As a person who’s essentially self-employed, you bet I want national health care. I could have that if I moved to Austria. But if I moved to Austria, my business model won’t work. I write in English. It’s a German speaking nation. Plus, contract jobs are the exception there. So how do I choose?
I’m starting a little pile of things I need to pack for my winter. My passport, a Christmas gift, books… As I’m doing that, I’m also picking through my old ideas about Austria. I try to go with new eyes every time, but habits get established and impressions are hard to break.
I’m so looking forward to being with the husband again. To seeing my inlaws. To playing in the snow. To the incredible baked goods. But I’m thinking about the things I’ll miss, too — my friends, Thai food, the streets of my neighborhood.
See? It’s complicated.
You’re right, it is complicated. And rarely all is perfect in one place. Sometimes, like in your case, two far away places make one wonderful place to live. We have given up on decent seafood, the ocean, the wild NW, excellent Asian food, in favor of an overall better quality of life, strictly for our situation. There are times when I miss Shi Shi beach or Mt. Baker or a decent latte or having too many choices for Japanese, Indian, Thai, and Korean restaurants. But I know the price I paid for those while living in Seattle and one day I was not willing to pay anymore.
Unfortunately the freelance model did not work for me with a kid in tow. Due to circumstances and the lovely years of “startup bust” I only managed to have 2 vacations in 7 years! Since I moved to Austria I have had more time off than in all the last 7 years put together and I have let myself be sick at times without worrying about the number of sick days or loosing my job. For the first time in 10 years I paid for my vacations, new clothes, etc, with CASH, not credit card. I don’t have a car, I don’t have a microwave. I live in an appartment 1/4 of the size of my old house, it takes me a whole half hour to clean it, yeay! I realize that I could have simplified and downsized in Seattle, but it just didn’t happen there. And the European travels and Austrian Alps make up for most of the outdoors left back home. And I can afford to fly back to the US every other year for nice long vacations.
While Seattle is so wonderfully mixed, liberated and open minded, it is sadly just one of the few pockets in the US that is like that. All you have to do is get out a bit towards Eastern WA, then reality hits. And if the last election showed us anything is that Seattelites are sadly a minority who can’t seem to be able to stop the “big ugly”. While I lived in Seattle I was safe like in a cocoon, I thought all of America was one big easy going Seattle….once you get out reality hits you hard and it isn’t lattes and creme brule anymore….
I’m not sure how long I will be here or if I will ever come back to live in Seattle. Right now life is better for us here and I am looking forward to my first one whole week ski vacation in many many years.
Thanks for your thoughtful words.
You’re right, of course, about many things. And since we don’t have kids, it’s all different. You can see, though that when you’re committed to one side, the advantages are clear. When you’re not… well, things get muddier.
Austria isn’t immune from the big ugly, though. You can see it in the creeping box stores out on the edge of the village where we live. And Austrians seem to have a national distrust/dislike of foreigners – that troubles me. Maybe it’s just extreme nationalism, I don’t know. I do know that when I hear an Austrian bashing a Hungarian, for example, I Don’t Get It. What’s the difference?
I know Seattle is a rainbow ghetto, but it’s MY rainbow ghetto!
Yes, it is complicated. And as much as I bitched about the shortcomings and annoyances during our years in the tropics, I’m SO glad we took that five years (five years!…went by in a SNAP!) to have that life outside the mainland. Not the same as living in Europe, I know, since it was still a U.S. territory and we had the advantage of being surrounded by English speakers…but it felt foreign in many ways. It has given me a much greater appreciation of the good things we have here. There’s still loads to complain about here, but part of the way we counteract that is to keep our life small and simple (by most people’s standards here). A tiny duplex…reasonable rent (for Calif.)…only one car…two bikes…a shop in the garage that can create extra income when we need it. It would be SO easy to get caught up in the rat race now that we’re back, but truthfully, I think our isolated, quiet life in the V.I. has made it easier for us to go without. It’s nice to have options again (especially culturally), but good lord, the prices! What we’ve found is that we LIKE having a simple, quiet life…even in the U.S. 🙂